Something really needs to be done for Toronto Maple Leafs fans. After a frantic trade-deadline session in which GM Kyle Dumas collected defencemen like Costco points— while adding Ryan O’Reilly from St. Louis— Leafs Nation is more depressed than ever at the chances of breaking its humiliating 55-year Stanley Cup drought. Or the accompanying 55-year Stanley Cup Final drought.

Why? Because while Dubas was playing Elon Musk, accumulating assets, the teams the Leafs must defeat in April/ May/ June were likewise spending hand-over-fist for the available talent during the Deadline. There was enough short-selling to make the TSX declare a halt to trading.

So Leafs Nation is distraught. If they were a lame horse they’d bring out the veterinarian’s wagon. If they were raccoons they’d be trapped and sent away. If they were trees with Dutch elm disease we’d cut them down and burn them for firewood. No hockey fans should live this way. But they do.

If this had been a decade ago there might not have been this much of a free market. Toronto might have stood pat and been okay to make a Cup run. But this year has seen a bull market for Eastern Conference teams employing the same strategy as Toronto. Buy now. Pay later. Here’s the frantic Eastern Conference shopping list from just the past fortnight.

New York Rangers: Patrick Kane and Vladimir Tarasenko. Boston Bruins: Dmitry Orlov. New Jersey Devils: Timo Meier. Carolina Hurricanes: Jesse Puljujärvi and Shayne Gostisbehere. New York Islanders: Bo Horvat. Tampa Bay Lightning Tanner Jeannot. Pittsburgh Penguins Mikael Granlund. And so on.

(No wonder Johnny Gaudreau and Matthew Tkachuk, the purported big catches by Eastern Conference teams last summer, are going to be sitting at home watching the playoffs and counting the money Calgary couldn’t pay to get them to stay in Alberta. But we digress.)

So the first round of the 2023 playoffs in the East is going to be like the Charge of the Light Brigade. Many will enter the valley. Few will exit. There will be many expensive casualties. For Toronto the first-round opponent will likely be battle-tested Tampa, which beat Toronto in Rd. One last April. And, if you’ve been in a deprivation tank the past six seasons, let us remind you that Toronto has lost every year in the qualifying or first round since 2017. Zero series wins.

Excellent teams, good teams, okay teams. All with the same fate. Which is why Leafs fans are setting themselves up for bad things this spring. On the surface the team looks strong. Loaded with offensive fire power in record-setting Auston Matthews, Mitch Marner, William Nylander and John Tavares, they have 3.37/ goals a game for the season (down from last season’s explosive total but still productive.). Their goals-against was 2.64— and that was before they added defensemen Erik Gustafsson, Luke Schenn, Jake McCabe and others.

There is now depth throughout the skaters for when injuries start to ravage lineups in the playoffs. How many Cup contenders in the recent past have been denied because they ran out off healthy bodies? Give Dubas and coach Sheldon Keefe marks for that. This should work.

But also ask why they have been unable to develop/ trade for/ sign an elite goalie. As it always does, Cup success will all come down to that most enigmatic element. The duo of Ilya Samsonov and Marty Murray are… unpredictable. As of this writing’s Samsonov— the bell cow— is 5-6-1 on the road. Lest we remind you, the Leafs cannot play all their games at home. Meanwhile, Murray— owner of two Stanley Cups from his Pittsburgh days— has battled an ankle injury. His goals-against average is middle of the NHL pack.

This is not to say that neither goalie can’t find the magic elixir. The lore of Cup winners is full of players who find it suddenly in the heat of a Stanley Cup. Murray was one of those guys in his rookie year when he took over from Marc André Fleury and led Pittsburgh to the 2016 Cup. Presto! He simply reversed the narrative. It happens. Just not a lot.

To sum up, the Leafs hopes of breaking the hex will largely depend on finding a goalie who can a) stay healthy b) make the easy saves c) not read the Toronto media. Good luck with that. Maybe buy a lottery ticket too. It can be done.

Adding to the general neurosis of Leafs Nation is the issue of what will another disappointment mean to the future of captain Auston Matthews whose five-year $58.17 million contract is now eligible for an extension. (He and Nylander can both receive extensions this summer.) Comparable salaries mean Matthews will get a top-5 NHL salary going forward if/ when he signs. Also, does he sign for another five years or for eight? Will a Cup win cement him in Toronto for another decade?

Or does the Arizona native— disappointed with failure in blue and white— play out the next season without signing, as did fellow American Johnny Gaudreau, and then return to his homeland to play in a state with no income tax (Texas, Florida, Tennessee, Nevada, Arizona)? Does he, like Gaudreau and fellow American Tkachuk, simply pine for a warmer climate and familiar friends?

As we say, Leafs Nation needs an intervention before the playoffs start. After that it’s going to take a small miracle.

Sign up today for Not The Public Broadcaster newsletters. Hot takes/ cool slants on sports and current affairs. Have the latest columns delivered to your mail box. Tell your friends to join, too. Always provocative, always independent. https://share.hsforms.com/16edbhhC3TTKg6jAaRyP7rActsj5

Bruce Dowbiggin @dowbboy is the editor of Not The Public Broadcaster A two-time winner of the Gemini Award as Canada's top television sports broadcaster, he’s a regular contributor to Sirius XM Canada Talks Ch. 167. Inexact Science: The Six Most Compelling Draft Years In NHL History, his new book with his son Evan, was voted the seventh-best professional hockey book of all time by bookauthority.org . His 2004 book Money Players was voted sixth best on the same list, and is available via http://brucedowbigginbooks.ca/book-personalaccount.aspx

In Toronto The Leafs Always Fall In Spring