Why The World Is Laughing At Trudeaupia. Again.

It is beyond dispute that the United States has entered DEFCON 4 insanity. The culture war over Hillary Clinton blowing the 2016 election has produced a cavalcade of nonsense unrelated to the real functioning of the most powerful nation on earth. Robert Mueller’s damp squib appearance aside, America needs an intervention.

The latest episode in the rich tapestry of farce occurred in an express checkout line at a store in Georgia. Two alleged adults began a noisy harangue over whether the woman in the argument had over the acceptable limit of 10 items in her order. Voices were raised, words were said, blood pressure rose. The parties departed the scene.

In an earlier time that might have ended it. But in these social media days nothing is ever over. The woman— black Georgia state legislator Erica Thomas— took to Twitter to deliver a teary, bathetic rendition of how she’d been abused by a white person who called her a naughty name and— the clincher— told her to “go back where she came from”. The implication was clear. Racism. White privilege. Sexism.

No sooner had this Tears Are Not Enough video hit viral status than the Jump On It media descended on this man to take up her case. It was not pretty. Think George Zimmerman without the neighbourhood watch hat.

The man in question— Eric Sparkes— then popped up with his side of the story. Quite opposed to Thomas’s story, the checkout bad guy was, in fact, a Cuban Democrat who hates— no, HATES— Donald Trump. He uncategorically denied the “go back where you came from” charge. He proudly brandished his Trump Derangement like a heat-re-entry shield.

Faced with the fact that her assailant was on her Orange Man Bad team, Thomas briefly waffled, told reporters she couldn’t recall precisely what was said. Then, on more reflection (her lawyer likely said we can sue big time), she again insisted the guy was a lousy mansplainer who’d called her a “lazy bitch”. The last we saw of the pair they were raging again at his press conference.

(The police report of the incident says witnesses claimed it was Representative Thomas herself who repeatedly used the phrase "go back to where you came from”— not the Cuban fellow who confronted her about her Express Lane items.)

FUBAR. But even with that as their baseline for mental health, America had to admit this week that Canada is even crazier. Nothing in the U.S. shouting wars currently going on quite compares to The Waxing of the Johnson playing out in B.C. at the moment. 

In Canada’s social standoff, a trans woman has been taking immigrant women to the Human Rights Tribunal to complain that they are refusing to handle his… uh, extant penis at their cosmetic waxing operations. The newly christened Jessica Yaniv has now racked up 15 separate complaints against women who refuse for religious, cultural or aesthetic reasons to apply their trade on the equipment of his former gender.

The punchline? Instead of being dismissed as a nuisance, Yaniv has the very considered attention of the bureaucrats who inhabit these sinecures. His complaint that his human rights are being violated by these women is getting the full legal treatment of the state. It has also resulted in the failure of these startup businesses for the women involved.

In America— nay, the entire world— this case has become fodder for late-night humorists and social satirsts. Anyone can see that human rights legislation meant to protect against Holocaust Deniers and prejudiced landlords was not meant to protect the bikini waxing rights of a trans person with a progressive lawyer. The world is mocking this.

But not in Trudeaupia, where Yaniv is deadly serious business. You see, under its current PM, Canada takes seriously everything that doesn’t involve firing your Attorney General. This is Diversity Land, where no personal foible, no eccentric behaviour is not afforded the full protection of the law.

Or so we are told. The problem with Yaniv’s franks-and-beans appeal is that runs smack against the rights to worship and culture that our dashing PM promises all immigrants to this country. So, in a land where everyone is equal, how does one decide who— like Orwell’s pigs in Animal Farm— is a little more equal?

Judging by CBC’s somnambulent reaction to the story— they seem the only major news organization globally to not see the utter hilarity in this farce— Trudeau’s assessment is that Trans Uber Ales is the gold standard on the Liberal Grievance Wheel®. Immigrant women are in the Top 5. But this time, no hot wax for you, lady from Philippines. You might want stay tuned, though. Happy Ways has a way of shifting stories.

Such as the one from 2010 where a precocious Trudeau was asked about the value of his home province of Quebec to Canada. “Canada isn’t doing well right now, because it’s Albertans who control our community and socio-democratic agenda. It doesn’t work,”  When asked by CTV whether Canada was better off “when there are more Quebecers in charge than Albertans,” Trudeau replied in the affirmative.

“I’m a Liberal, so of course I think so, yes. Certainly when we look at the great prime ministers of the 20th century, those that really stood the test of time, they were MPs from Quebec ... This country — Canada — it belongs to us.”

Tell that one to the person next to you in the express lane and see what response you get. If you’re Canadian you probably won’t get the joke.

Bruce Dowbiggin @dowbboy is the publisher of his website Not The Public Broadcaster (http://www.notthepublicbroadcaster.com). He’s also a regular contributor to Sirius XM Canada Talks Ch. 167. A two-time winner of the Gemini Award as Canada's top television sports broadcaster, he is also a best-selling author whose new book Cap In Hand: How Salary Caps Are Killing Pro Sports And Why The Free Market Could Save Them is now available on brucedowbigginbooks.ca